Heaven is My Baby, Suicide’s Her Father

Blazer, Bershka // Floral Top, Bershka // High Waist Shorts, Romwe // Tights, Penti // Heels, Mom’s

FAMILY  One of the many reasons why I’m so fond of my culture is the fact that family means so much more to us than it does in other cultures. “Family” does’t only mean the people you live with, but it also means the most important people in your life, the ones who give you everything, the ones you feel the safest with, and because we come from a more closed society, family means pretty much everything to us. Now, we all know the picture perfect family, one caring mother along with one fun father, and a couple of kids, even a dog maybe? From where I’m writing, my life hasn’t ever been even close to this. I’m blessed to live the life I’ve been given, to go to the best school and to live in wealth and health. And I know I’m very lucky to have my parents, to have my family so to say, but sometimes, I wonder what would my life be if my parents hadn’t split up. If my father wasn’t so careless, and my mom didn’t have to face all the obstacles all by herself. If my brother didn’t hate school in extreme terms which leads him to fail in such a young age, and how I lost the innocent part of myself all because of the environment I grew up in. Sometimes, when I think of the people who’d actually care if I died, I could only think of my mother. And when I have fights with her, all I have is this big hole.

AİLE  Kültürümüzü bu kadar çok sevmemin başlıca nedeni, aile yapımızın diğer kültürlerdekinden çok daha büyük bir yer tutması. “Aile”, bizim için sadece beraber yaşadığın insanlar anlamına gelmiyor, aynı zamanda hayatındaki en değerli kişiler, senin için her şeylerini feda edecek insanlar ve kendini içlerindeyken en güvenli hissettiğin ortam anlamına da geliyor, ve daha kapalı bir çevreden geldiğimiz için, aile neredeyse tüm hayatın demek. Şimdi, hepimiz mükemmel aile tablosunu biliyoruz, çocukları için her şeyi yapan anne ve baba ve birkaç çocuk, hatta belki bir köpek? Benim hayatım, bu tablodan oldukça uzak oldu hep. İçinde bulunduğum hayatı yaşayabildiğim için minnettarım, en iyi okullarda okuduğum ve sağlık ve bolluk içinde yaşadığım için. Ve kendi ebeveynlerim konusunda da oldukça şanslıyım, ailem konusunda, ama bazen, annem ve babam ayrılmasaydı hayatım nasıl olurdu diye düşünmeden edemiyorum. Babam bu kadar umursamaz olmasaydı ve annem tüm bu zorlukları kendi başına aşmak zorunda kalmasaydı… Kardeşim, okuldan ekstrem derecelerde nefret etmeseydi ve sürekli derslerle ilgili problemler yaşamasaydı ve ben, içinde büyüdüğüm ortam yüzünden, içimdeki o masum yanı kaybetmeseydim… Bazen, ben ölürsem kimler üzülür diye düşünüyorum, ve aklıma sadece annem geliyor. Ve annemle kavga ettiğim zamanlarda, kocaman bir boşlukla karşılaşıyorum.

Thanks for reading,
Okuduğunuz için teşekkürler,


25 thoughts on “Heaven is My Baby, Suicide’s Her Father

  1. True, all in all it contributes to who I am right now, but when I'm not happy with the way I am, I start questioning the reasons and always end up at this point. But it's nice to know that I'm not alone, and I'm sorry you've gone through hard times…


  2. Love the pastel blazer, looks so elegant, wonderfully styled outfit. Do you have GFC to follow on? You are so sweet to stop by…Happy End of the Week Darlin 🙂


  3. I agree with you that the family is the most important thing in our lives but oh the headache they sometimes cause to us. As a half finn and half turkish I have had to struggle between two cultures and between two different families (my folks have divorced as well).
    Sometimes it's frustrating and you can be sure that my family either hasnt been exactly the kind of perfect family you wrote about! Buut our families gives us so much so we need to be grateful for that:)
    Remembe if you feel like that in the end what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! (What a cliche but it's true:D)
    xx Jas


  4. True, they can be a total pain sometimes I have to agree, but I always remind myself that they're being that way for our own good -we're lucky enough to have these parents, in some cases, there are lots of kids who are not so lucky… And I guess your situation is harder since you have two very different cultures, I wish you luck on that…
    I agree on being grateful too, and believe me, I sometimes look at my friends' families and see how lucky I am, but as human beings we're so greedy that we always want the better…
    Thanks for this comment Jas!


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